Stevie Dee
by Cissa The Bookworm
Summary: So this is basically crack treated seriously. Basically Tony's goading Steve and Bucky comes in and drops a bombshell on the Avengers. Everyone but Clint and Tony gets what's going on.


"Look at me I'm Stevie Dee, lousy with virginity. Won't go to bed 'till I'm legally wed, I can't I'm Stevie Dee!" Tony sings mockingly as Steve walks into the kitchen one morning.

At the breakfast bar Clint tries, and fails, to smother his laughter. Natasha, Bruce, and Sam all at least have the decency to cover up their laughter. Steve glares at Tony, "Why are you singing Grease at me?"

"Why not, Sandra Dee?" Tony smirks, "Surprised you understand the reference."

"Sam recommended it."

"Well good for him!" Tony enthuses, "So you can understand all my brilliant references!"

"He fucked your dad." Bucky bluntly states as he walked into the kitchen. Steve didn't even have the grace to blush, Tony notes.

Tony sputters, "You're not serious?"

"Well it was a threesome with Peggy." Steve shrugs as he says that. "'Course this was all before Buck manned up and told me how he felt."

"Wha…? No." Tony says, "I don't believe it."

Clint laughs, "Hate to say it, but I highly doubt this story. Almost like your bullshit story about Nazi dinos."

Steve laughs, "Believe me or not."

Bucky smirks, "Oh you should have seen Steve, always makin' moon eyes at Peggy even when he was tied down with little ol' me. Was too kind to tell me he wanted to be with Peggs and all."

"I really don't believe the two of you." Clint once again states.

Bruce nods, "We really need outside references. You two have told a couple too many tall-tales to be totally reliable sources."

Natasha smirks at her fellow Avengers, "I, for one, believe them."

"Why on earth would you?" Tony demands.

"Look at how much Steve is fighting down a blush. It's true. Not the threesome part, but he did fuck one of the two before he went 'steady' with James. Good luck figuring out which one." With that Natasha smoothly stood up and walked out of the kitchen.

Clint and Tony stared slack-jawed after her. Bruce smirked knowingly to himself, finally figuring it out. "Brucie-bear! You just figured it out! Tell us!" Tony demands.

Bruce shakes his head, "Sorry, wouldn't want to ruin the mystery."

Bruce, too, gets up and leaves the room. Shortly after he left, Sam's eyes lit up in realization, "No." Sam says to Steve.

Steve bashfully nods his head at his friend, "I'm assumin' you figured it out."

"And this is almost more unbelievable than Nazi dynos." Sam shakes his head once more before he followed Bruce and Natasha's example.

"What is it they figured out?" Clint demands of the two super soldiers.

Bucky shrugs, "For us to know and the two of you knuckle-heads to figure out."

Bucky threads his arm through Steve's and pulls his out of the kitchen, claiming that they were going out to eat. Clint and Tony stand around the kitchen for a good while before they say almost simultaneously, "He's a goddamn virgin."

"I do believe that you _might_ be onto something." Jarvis sarcastically states before falling silent once more.

"What does that mean?" Clint squawks.

"Jarvis?" Tony asks, "Hey, J, buddy, mind telling us?"

Jarvis lets out his version of a snort, "I do believe that that is deemed confidential by the good Captain."

"Traitor." Tony curses, Clint nodding empathetically along with him.

"So are we right?" Clint asks Tony. "Is Steve a virgin?"

"I don't know!" Tony wails, "I thought so but then J…." Tony trails off in misery, "I'm almost thinking it's Carter he fucked."

"I was figuring it was your dad if he's not a virgin." Clint replies. "So is he a virgin or has he fucked your dad?"

Tony covers his ears and mutters, 'oh god' over and over to himself. "I can't handle this not knowing."

Natasha walks through the kitchen in her workout gear, heading towards the gym. As she does this, she spares the two a glance and simply states: "Idiots."

Tony and Clint share a look before promptly running after Natasha, wailing her name and for her to please put them out of their misery by just telling them what the truth was.


End file.
